


The Rift

by DownToTheSea



Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Possession, Pre-Canon, Telepathy, Tenderness, cosmic horror, sea horror
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26323531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DownToTheSea/pseuds/DownToTheSea
Summary: Balthamos and Baruch take shelter from the forces of Heaven in a deserted world, but their refuge isn't as safe as it seems.
Relationships: Balthamos/Baruch
Kudos: 1





	The Rift

**Author's Note:**

> For the Bad Things Happen Bingo prompt Please Don't Leave Me.

Rain drizzled down, barely visible against the uniform dark grey of the sky and waves outside, collecting in a growing puddle near the mouth of the cave in which they were sheltering. It was really little more than a niche in the rock, but it served the dual purpose of shielding them from the wind and rain and concealing them from prying angelic eyes.

“I still say you should have made for the way out when you had the chance,” said Balthamos. “Even now, if you left immediately…?”

“Balthamos.”

“You can hardly blame me for trying,” Balthamos muttered.

“No,” Baruch said cheerfully, “but I can tell you when you’re wasting your effort. My resolve hasn’t wavered over the last hours or the last centuries, for that matter.”

He glanced over at where Balthamos sat, huddled up with his arms around his knees. Baruch could hear his worry as clearly as the thunder overhead.

His wing curled around Balthamos’s shoulders. “Please don’t take the blame on yourself," he said softly.

Balthamos finally voiced his thought aloud. “I slow you down. Even at my best. If not for me you would already be safe in another world.”

“And how safe do you think I would feel, leaving you to be hunted by agents of Heaven?”

“About as safe as I would,” Balthamos said, “but one angel is less conspicuous than two.”

“Of the two of us, you think yourself the least conspicuous?”

“Yes.  _ You  _ insist on doing good deeds for everyone we pass.” By the time Balthamos got to the end of this sentence, love was overflowing from every corner of his mind, and he was doing a very poor job of maintaining his frown.

“Then it’s a lucky thing that this world is deserted.” Baruch smiled at him.

The love intensified; the frown failed entirely. Balthamos sighed and rested his forehead on his crossed arms. “Next time I will convince you.”

“While you plot your impending victory, would you like to sit closer? The wind is picking up.”

“...Yes.” Balthamos nudged closer, putting one of his own wings around Baruch.

Not that either of them were much bothered by the cold, but the force of the wind they could feel, and it was a little comfort to be in the shelter of each other’s wings. All they had to do was wait it out, until the army of Heaven moved on and they were sure they had not been seen; then they could return to relative safety and a slightly more hospitable world.

"Do you know why this world is empty?" Baruch asked.

"It didn't used to be. I remember coming here once long ago…"

As usual, letting Balthamos dive into his extensive (if impersonal and occasionally impractical) knowledge of the multiverse was enough to clear up any lingering traces of guilt. Baruch smiled again, this time to himself.

Balthamos paused.  _ I can read your mind, I know what you're doing. _

_ I'm genuinely curious.  _ It was true. There was very little that he loved more than listening to Balthamos. _ Please keep going. _

"Very well," Balthamos replied out loud. "But it does not have a satisfying ending."

"Why, what happened?"

"No one knows. If anybody did, it wouldn't be unsatisfying.” Balthamos was obviously amused at his own joke.

“But you are an angel,” Baruch prompted, straight-faced, “and possess unfathomable wisdom and experience.”

“Even I cannot be in all places at all times.” Balthamos paused again. “And you had better be careful not to overdo it on the sarcasm or you will start to sound like me.”

Baruch snuggled closer. “Little harm then. You are the best person I know.” No teasing edge there, only the truth.

It still struck Balthamos helpless, even after all this time. “Ah... oh, my dear.” There was warmth in his mind. Baruch threaded their arms together, let Balthamos lean against his shoulder, and thought that perhaps despite the weather and the constant patrols of enemy angels, this world was not so disagreeable.

Silence fell. It was a pleasant silence at first, Balthamos still soaring happily in devotion, but as the sky darkened, his thoughts began to spiral towards a less pleasant place. Storms often put him on edge, and being near the ocean only intensified the feeling.

Small wonder; it was infinitely more dangerous to them than any one angelic sentry. Any more than a short distance beneath the surface, far shallower than humans could withstand, the pressure would become relentless. If an angel stayed down too long they would eventually be crushed apart. Their wings only served to weigh them down. The only solution was to change forms to something that could withstand the water, but that took a great deal of power and concentration to maintain.

Balthamos had done it once, though he hadn’t stayed down long and the experience had apparently been unpleasant enough that he now preferred to stay well away. Baruch usually found it more fascinating than frightening, though he wasn't immune to its power at such close range.

At least at surface level, the pull of gravity was even stronger than the pull of the water. But he was accustomed to the air, and he had his wings, which were all but useless here. And the higher they flew, the thinner the air became and the easier it was for an angel to exist, but here, he and Balthamos barely perched above a crushing, unpitying power that could destroy them in a breath. Not to mention that in the air he could see for hundreds of miles, but in the ocean, not even his angelic sight could pierce the depths.

_ Humans always fear the unknown,  _ Balthamos had once said, and of course because it was Balthamos his words had been tinged with a haughty implication that angels would never fall prey to such foolishness. That had been a long time ago, before Baruch had softened him somewhat on the subject of humans, or at least made him admit that he could be soft on the subject of humans, but even at the time it had been obvious how blatantly false the implication was. Angels were no more immune to fear than humans. Baruch felt the proof of it the longer he gazed at the dark, choppy waves.

"You had better stay out of my mind for a bit," murmured Balthamos. "You're getting tense."

"Just thinking,” Baruch reassured him. He didn’t think Balthamos’s mood bleeding over into his mind was responsible for the dark turn his thoughts had taken. There was an almost magnetic pull towards exploring those murky depths, no matter the danger. He wondered if it was some sort of long-buried human instinct rising to the surface once more.

Over the thunder and waves came the sound of wingbeats above, quiet at first, then building. Both of them heard it at the same time; Balthamos hissed and tugged Baruch deeper into the shadow of the rock.

They switched to communicating mentally. This was neither as effective nor as pleasant as speaking aloud; their thoughts could get distracted down random pathways or come all at once in an indecipherable muddle, and each other’s voices, which they dearly loved hearing, were not as clear in their heads as they were out loud. But it was incredibly useful in these situations.

_ Is the whole army flying over our heads?  _ Balthamos demanded. He tried to sound merely put-out, but Baruch felt him trembling, and saw all the reasons why in his mind.

_ I could look out and see,  _ Baruch said. Indeed the only reason he hadn't already was because he knew doing so without warning would have sent Balthamos into pure panic.

Another tremor ran through Balthamos’s hand on his arm. Several incoherent negatives were his first response before he settled on a hasty  _ I don't think that will be necessary! _

The sound grew, intensifying until the air seemed to shake.

_ It would be just our luck,  _ thought Balthamos sourly,  _ to have taken shelter right underneath their path out. _

Baruch gave him a wry smile, and squeezed his hand to apologize for what he was going to say next.

_ Don't,  _ Balthamos cut him off, pleading, the thought echoing a dozen more times in repeat before Baruch had a chance to respond.

_ I  _ should,  _ Balthamos. If I fly close enough I might be able to find out where they're headed. You know Xaphania needs all the information she can get. This would be significant. _

Balthamos's first thought was not something either one of them would be repeating to Xaphania. Baruch smiled despite himself.

_ Or let me go, at least,  _ Balthamos tried.

_ I'm faster; you know I’m the better choice. And…  _ He didn't finish the idea, so Balthamos finished it for him in a decidedly different way than he would have chosen. His thoughts were already twisting into pained, self-loathing knots.

_ And less likely to break down or run away? _

Baruch risked the slight noise of movement to turn and wrap Balthamos up fully in his arms, wings nestling around him.

_ Have I ever thought worse of you for it? It would hurt you, though, going out there. Let me spare you. _

A dozen different responses flashed through Balthamos's mind. Baruch withdrew somewhat to give him privacy, but he didn’t have to be listening to know the general substance.

_ A lot of good it will do to spare me this hurt and then get yourself killed,  _ he could almost hear Balthamos saying. And:

_ Neither of us has to do anything. Xaphania would never know unless one of us is needlessly noble and tells her. _

And:

_ I wish I could be brave for you, just once. _

Baruch held him tighter, waiting for the conclusion he knew Balthamos would come to, in all his fear and courage: just as courageous, if less showy, than flying out to track the army of Heaven.

_ I love you,  _ said Balthamos in his mind. That echoed too, but softer; there wasn’t a thought that wasn’t already suffused with it.  _ If you truly feel the need… I will not stop you. But my darling, you are already the best of us; you don't have to prove yourself. It will not help anyone if you…  _ He was making a concerted effort to hold himself back from imagining the worst.  _ Please don't do anything rash. _

_ I won't. _

_ You already  _ are _.  _ But at least Balthamos had regained a shaky approximation of his dry humor.

Baruch glanced out. Night had fallen; not an ideal time to be trying to stay hidden from angels, with no sun glare to confuse their powerful sight. The white of his wings would stand out from a distance, too. Perhaps if he flew up near the clouds he would be able to approach safely…

Balthamos made a quickly stifled noise of distress.

_ I’ll be careful,  _ Baruch promised.

Balthamos didn’t say anything, only threw his arms around Baruch. Now his mind withdrew, but Baruch still knew what he was thinking:

_ Please don’t leave me. _

“I will come back soon,” he said gently, and kissed Balthamos’s forehead before turning to leave.

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter will also be for Bad Things Happen, featuring Forced to Hurt Someone!
> 
> I should probably apologize for taking angel canon and just running with it, haha, but I just Love the free real estate with headcanons these two have. I love them a lot and it's been really stress-relieving to write them lately. <3
> 
> (They also give me a lot of opportunity for self-indulgent fic, as you can tell from the "cuddling & snuggling" and "cosmic/sea horror" tags being right next to each other up there XD)


End file.
